In Nirvana

Today, now and right here, Uncle Emiel will be poured with bitter tears and sentimental speeches about one person whom he never knew, whose work he never appreciated and the death of which he, of course, missed his ears, eyes and, in general, attention.

Today, now and right here I will fill up with bitter tears about a very wise man – and let him be a drug addict, he was paranoid and hated himself, life and what he did. He was still stunningly wise, especially for his years and his condition. He saw a lot and was not afraid to talk about it.

This person is a perfect anti -example of how to live right. He killed himself, he was a total, incorrigible gouging and, in fact, sick people on his head, but … he lived as he wanted. Despite the fact that his desires were sometimes criminal and completely immoral.
And you can live completely as you want?

Today, now and right here I will remember a little with you what he was.
How it was, this abnormal, immoral, beautiful and cult Kurt Cobain.

– I was an incredibly happy child. I shouted and sang all the time. I just couldn’t stop in time. I was really happy.

Kurt Donald Kobein was born on February 20, 1967 in a dusty, gloomy, gloomy forgotten town of Aberdin, Washington. The town is little -known. The population of about 16 thousand people. Alcohol, shooting, violence, bottomless depression and total boredom – here it is, the atmosphere in which the future musical genius and idol were born, which the “disappeared” “generation x” prayed for the “disappeared”.

If it were not for the skill of the midwife, who took birth, the child would never say a word, would not have drank a single H2O molecule, would not fulfill any of his hits. He, the tiny Kurt Cobain, would just suffocate, barely born, but he was saved. For the first time saved. When he will be saved in the following times, he will be disappointed, expressing his emotions in indifferent silence and expression of the eyes. Fate even then hinted that he, this virtuoso of his generation, would suffocate constantly – and if not physically, then psychologically certainly.
But he Alive.

Father – Donald Cobain, mechanic, mother – Wendy Cobain, who only worked as anyone.
Despite all this, the childhood of Kurt Cobain was happy, as can be seen from the quote given a little higher. The child was hyperactive, could not fall asleep without the pills of the Rogipnol because of the fire of enthusiasm, happiness and crazy energy trembling inside him. Aunt Kurt, Mary, who was 11 years older than him, that there was very little, tried to teach him how to play the guitar in early childhood, but Kurt could not have enough patience, and as a result, the training was total useless ..
She gave the Bitles plate violently. And this limits the musical education of Kurt.
Aunt Kurt, Mary, presented him with the drum installation “Mickey Mouse”, which later the young future musical genius exploited everywhere and always, endlessly wandering along the streets of his dead town, hitting these same drums that was stirring, interfering with neighboring dogs and children, and screaming in the literal sense shouting the texts of the bitlovsky songs ..

Here he is, young rebel, restless genius, creative fountain Kurt Cobain.
And here is his happiest years, it is worth considering. Happy years, where there is not a single “but”.

– Each of us is lonely, and all together we are also lonely.

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But…
… in 1975, when Kurt was only 8 years old, a tragedy occurred. The tragedy inside Kurt, which he could not predict either by virtue of his age or in the power of income information. And he could not resist his feelings – but he felt very well, like all children at a similar age.
In 1975, the mother filed for divorce, reproaching her husband for the fact that he does not care what was happening in the family. Donald did not want such a development of events, but later he had to give in to;In addition, as it turned out, his disregard for inattention towards the family was fed by the fact that he had another “on the side” ..
After that, the mother recalled that her child seemed to be replaced. He became angrier, more cynical, closed in himself.
There are rumors that after this event Kurt began to draw on the walls in his room. More precisely, do not draw, but write.
“Mom hates dad. Dad hates mom. I hate myself.”
Then Kobein himself said: “I was ashamed of my parents. I could not communicate normally with classmates, because I terribly wanted to have a typical family: mother, father. I wanted this confidence, because of this I was angry for my parents for several years “.
Maybe it was this steep turn inside Cobain that became a powerful impetus to its subsequent asocial formation.
Yes, most likely, it is.

After the divorce, the boy lived alternately either with his mother, then with his father (and never found a common language with the second halves of both), then from grandmothers, her gates, then God also knows who.
And for 14 years Kurt changed his musical priorities.
The Mickey Mouse drum went to eternal peace somewhere in the room, having received the obligation to collect all the dust in the room, and the guitar came to the replacement for him.
And around this time he became interested in Pink, although he vaguely imagined what it was and how it was Must It was possible to sound, because, of course, in the American, but such a native Zjopinsk, Kurt of the musical records of his idols was not. And yes, from now on, Sex Pistols stood in the cell of his idols, throwing the Liverpool “Beatles” to hell. Everything went as it should have gone. Nothing happens just like that.

– When I began to take https://megarich.uk heroin, I knew that it would be as boring as smoking marijuana, but I could no longer stop. Heroin has become like air.

From the age of 16, Cobain began to indulge in drugs. He began, like everyone else, with a small one, and finished heroin.
He later said that he tried to drown out the strongest abdominal pain, which disturbed him from childhood until his death. And he was jamming. And in the end he drowned out not only pains, but himself.
Although, maybe thanks to drugs, he became the one who he is?

Soon he met with the participants of the Aberdine team Melvins, playing music, combining the elements of punk and hard rock (later this style was called “brown“). Here it is, the beginning.

And in 1985. Kurt organized a group named Fecal Matter;Cobain acted in it as a vocalist and guitarist. About a year later, the team disbanded, without releasing a single disk;After that, Kurt began to spread the Fecal Matter demos among acquaintances – he wanted to create a new group. One of the cassettes got Chrisa Novoselich, Kurt’s friend since Melvins.
For some time, he seemed to forget about her, but a few months later he suddenly started a conversation with Cobey that they would have to organize a rock band (he naturally listened to the record, and he liked the material). The newly formed team (in which the third participant soon appeared – the drummer Aaron Burkhard) changed several names: Skid Row, Ted ed Fred, Bliss, Pen Cap Chew, – However, in the end, it was chosen NIRVANA.
Cobain later explained that he wanted to find a name that would be pleasant or beautiful, and in the end, as it seemed to him, “nirvana” – the most then.
And the next year, the debut album of Nirvana “Bleach” appeared on sale, laying the foundation for the germ of megapopularity that groups, that their music, that – but this is already scary – the frantic popularity of Kurt Cobain ..

Of course, such a charismatic young man could not but have her woman who would love him without a trace, receiving similar actions from him.
This woman became Courtney Love-a former drug addict (however, they say that during the time of her union with Cobain she shared a dose with him), an American actress, a rock singer.
Who knows: maybe it was a fatal meeting, given all sorts of suspicious things that are going on near the death of the Creator ..

– After the concert, I ran out, and I was vomiting, then I returned to find the IGGI of the Plah, and I gave him a wet kiss with a touch of nausea and hugged him tightly. He is a very friendly, cool, excellent and interesting person. It was probably the most flattering moment in my life.

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The second album was released in 1991.
Nevermind.
An album, which, in my opinion, laid the beginning of the end of Kurt Kobein.
New hits, among which was the famous and probably the most-most-sprinkle okhorentive single smells like Teen Spirit At the moment they climbed onto the top of MTV with the top and did not crawl for a very long time. The name of the Nirvana group sounded on the lips of everyone and everyone.
But Kurt was blind.
Kurt did not understand what he did.

Like the face of the “nirvana”, Kurt was invited to all sorts of secular party.
They were interested in advertising agents.
And even the FBI – due to the fact that its influence on the minds of youth has become incredible, catastrophically large, massive.
He was already nicknamed “The voice of his generation” at that time “. Recognized as a cult person. Idolized fans, but critics scolded – not all, but scolded.
But Kurt, as a person is very charismatic and wayward, who knows how to defend his opinion in any situation (while remaining a charm anyway), Luto hated all his regalia.

In the first months of the take -off of the group, Cobain was just happy. It seemed to him that the dream of every musician-to achieve fame-finally realized for him, and this did not require decades of painstaking work, which, of course, was TOTAL success. But then, understanding, Who In fact, there is a consumer of the work of Nirvana, Cobain was horrified and tried to return everything back. You understand, he did not succeed, and it could not work – no one could stop the pendulum of the musical business. And Kurt chose to go into his senses, and generally tried to disconnect from the outside world as much as possible.
And where did this smiling five -year -old boy go, who terrorized the entire district of his town to be “eardrum” by his “eardrum” ..

– On Saturday evening, I caught a buzz, drunk, walked to the railway and laid down on the rails in anticipation of an eleven -hour train, putting two large pieces of cement to my chest and legs, and the train entered closer and closer.
And he drove near the neighboring rails next to me instead of driving for me.

Kurt went to his senses. Fighted out from everyone and all. But at the same time he remained a loving husband and father (in August 1992 he was born to his daughter).
And, again, at the same time he became a furious paranoid, who no longer rushed through the stage, breaking all the equipment at the end of the performance, but stood like a monument of his former past, on the spot and with his eyes closed sang his penetrating, frank, cruel and immoral songs.
Now, more and more often, terrible abdominal pain began to torment him, because of which he began to consider his laces in sneakers more often.
Absolutely, that foolish, smiling, critical and such piercing blue -eyed Kurt Cobain, who blew the world with his new musical genre (thereby “brown”) completely disappeared.
And all this for those two years since the release of Nevermind. He completely changed himself and his attitude to life. And with every second it goes further and further into itself, in its sociophobia and misanthropy.
Even the music faded into the background: Cobain perceived concerts as tedious work, gradually turning into a habit ..
Prematurely aged, unusually thin, pale, with bundled cheeks and with narrowed pupils, the leader of Nirvana with an unsteady gait walked behind the stage at the next concert, not paying attention to the greetings that were distributed here and there, trying to visit the world as much as possible and in public in particular ..

But Kurt got up. And he went out onto the stage, and jumped, and destroyed the instruments, and threw himself with amplifiers, in fact proving what else alive. Still alive.

– Better to burn than to die out.

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April 5, 1994 Kurt Donald Cobain burned out, but did not go out to this day.
April 8 of the same year, an electrician who came to put a signaling system for the imaginary paranoid of Cobain saw the latter in the room.
Kurt Cobain lay and did not move. The electrician thought that the owner simply fell asleep. With drug addicts, it happens and not like that.
But having looked closely, he saw blood.
And a gun next to the body. A gun that Cobain tearfully asked his friend to protect himself.

For Bodda, saying the language of an experienced simpleton, which would prefer to be castrated, infantile whiner. This note will be quite easy to understand. All warnings from 101 punk rock lesson over the years. From my first acquaintance with, say, ethics associated with the independence and perception of your community, turned out to be very correct. For many years I have not felt excitement when I listen or create music, and also when I read or write. I can’t describe in words how I’m ashamed because of this. For example, when we are behind the stage and the light goes out, and the manic roar of the crowd begins, it does not touch me like Freddie Mercury, who seems to love, bathed in the love and adoration of the crowd. This is what I admire endlessly and what I envy. The fact is that I can’t fool you. None of you. It’s just dishonest towards you or to me. The worst crime that I can imagine is to rob people, pretending to have fun at 100%. Sometimes I have the feeling that I should run the timer before going on stage. I tried to do everything in my power to be grateful for this (and I am grateful, Lord, believe me, I am grateful, but this is not enough. I appreciate the fact that I have touched and entertained a lot of people. I’m probably one of those daffodils who value something only when they lose. I’m too sensitive. I need to become a little deaf to return the enthusiasm that I had once in my child. During the last three rounds, I experienced much more gratitude to all the people whom I know personally and for the fans of our music, but I still cannot overcome irritation, guilt and compassion for everyone. There is something good in all of us and I think, I just love people too much. So much that the devil is very sad for me. Sad small, sensitive, ungrateful, fish, human man! Why don’t you just enjoy this? I don’t know. I have a wife-Bogin, who oozes with ambitions and sympathy, and a daughter who is too reminds me of what I myself was. Full of love and joy, kissing everyone he meets, because everyone is good and will not harm her. And it terrifies me to such an extent that I can hardly do something. It is unbearable to think that Francis will become the same miserable, destroying itself by DET ROKER as I became. There is good, very good in my life, and I am grateful, but from the age of seven I began to hate all of humanity as a whole. Just because people seem so easy to get along with each other and have sympathy. Sympathy! I think, only because I love and sympathize with people too much. Thank you all from the depths of my burning sore stomach for your letters and care in recent years. There is too much of me from an inconsistent capricious child! There is no more passion in me, so remember: it is better to burn than to extinguish. Peace, love, compassion. Kurt Cobain.Francis and Courtney, I will be at your altar.Please do not stop Courtnijiradi Francisrada of her life, which will be much happier. I love you. I love you!

That’s how he died.
Officially.
With a dose of heroin within himself, which exceeds the norm by three times, firing in himself.
Officially.
No one really began to bother with this story.
After all, what will you take from the patients all over the head of drug addicts.
Maybe he was killed. Some facts speak in favor of this version.
Maybe his wife herself killed him, Courtney Love, and maybe the FBI, seeing that he was abnormally popular among the driving forces of youth.
Who knows.
In any case, you can’t return Cobain.
And you know, no need.
Kurt Cobain is a phenomenon of his years.
Kurt Cobain is a bright star in the sky of the echo of modernity.
Kurt Cobain should not have survived to 70 years and die in his mansion.
No-e-e-e, he had to leave early. In your 27 – no, in your miserable 27 – years.
To leave, leaving the smell of their rebellious sweat, sick inclinations and the fundamental position of the position of years after.

After himself, Kurt Cobain left the rich inheritance of his frantic, strange and terrible songs about despair, pain, depression, violence and suicide.
In his songs, he spoke a couple of lines in all seriousness, and then with a mockery further ridiculed his words.
He combined the touching of motives and the cruelty of sounds together – and it sounded, damn it, sounded, and even like!
Does his music exist?
Yes.
Does his thoughts have the right to exist?
Yes.
Did it have HE The right to exist?
Yes.
A rebel who made a huge contribution to the development of music and could not stand all this cargo of a celebrity.
He did not want to be famous.
He just wanted to make the music he loved ..

When I read the fate of this person, I want to … stop.
Go out into the street, go to the fountain in the evening, which is standing at the beginning of the lovely green quiet park near the house, turn on one of the compositions of the Nirvana group and .. understand.
When I listen to Cobain music, it seems to me that I Understand.
What exactly I understand is not even clear to me. But such a soulful energy of Kurt comes from this music that you automatically become more sensitive.
You can not even understand what he is singing about – you can just listen to the sounds of music and voice and feel how Kurt Cobain from the other world shares his experience rich for 27 years. And something like that … so … I don’t know.

Let Kurt Cobain remain in the memory of everyone with a smart, talented and abnormal rebel.
Listen and Understand His songs.
Understand, What He wanted to say.
And he talked a lot through the songs.

Sad, have fun and do not forget that in this world even a obdrial addict with developed hyperactivity and abnormal fear Beg In any way, it can become real Legend For millions.

– Live to the fullest, die young and leave a beautiful corpse.
(C) Kurt Cobain

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You must listen.

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